I am Dr Sharmistha Guha. An Obstetrician & Gynaecologist by profession, practicing in London for the last 18 years. I have a fulfilling job, a flourishing career and have made a place and name for myself in the profession. I live in one of the best cities of the world and earn enough to enjoy life to the fullest.
I am also a singer, and music is my passion. Even in this aspect, I was lucky to do stage shows, recorded my singles and continue to nurture my passion.
But despite all these, I felt a void in my life. Not for companionship or love as I have experienced those and am single by choice. The void is of a child. A child who will be part of me. A child who can give and take unconditional love. And mind you this is the true unconditional love. A child who can make me a mother and a completely different person with different priorities.
I have had relationships which didn’t go as planned. So don’t I then have the option of becoming a mother unless I wait for Mr Right or I compromise on Mr Perfect (not so perfect but a XY gene)?
Well not really!!
I am a 21st century girl and that too a gynaecologist who advises patients day in and day out about medical science. So why would I deprive myself from the joys of motherhood?
I chose to be a single mother. It’s scary and the path is going to be full of obstacles. And being an Indian - perhaps even more. But will that one smile from my child, a hug from my baby telling me I mean the world to him not make this journey worthwhile? I believe it would. I didn’t think too much to be honest. I dove into it. My parents are my biggest support system and strength. And in fact after making the decision, when I got myself busy again in my life, my mom reminded me about the biological clock. Yes, that does exist and makes things harder. So I followed my instincts. Although my life didn’t just revolve around the process of having a baby, I too went through my share of anxieties and disappointments. But almost 2 years after it all started, here I am. A mother to my beautiful, gorgeous little boy. The moment I had him in my arms, I knew I have done the right thing. My friends who knew me as a workaholic are surprised how I am a full-time mom now and not missing work at all in my maternity leave.
Any worries? Well I read an interview of a very famous Indian celebrity who said she would never consider being a single mother as she won’t be fair to the child by denying a father. It struck me. Have I made a wrong decision? Then I looked at my child and thought - will he not understand that I don’t want to share him with anyone. I am selfish when it comes to him. And it’s on me to make him understand that. And I also promised hard to him that I will fulfil that one lacuna by being both a mother and father to him. As far as the significance of a male in his life, he has the most doting grandpa and uncle (my brother) who he absolutely adores already.
Other than this one thought, I have not had any other worrying thoughts. Yes, it’s going to be tough to do a job as busy and demanding as a doctor/surgeon and be a single mother. I will have my share of guilt and bad days and everything. But looking at him I feel blessed. Blessed that he has given me that opportunity to take on the challenge and make life worthwhile. Worthwhile because of him. Being in the profession, I know how hard it is to have a successful IVF procedure. So I AM blessed in many ways.
So my only advice - follow your heart. There is nothing impossible on this earth for a woman. Just need to make your own choice, have clarity and honesty of thoughts and feelings and dive into it. You will get there by any means. Believe in yourself and it will happen. Others will only trust or show confidence in you if you trust yourself and be confident.
And one more thing – Medical science has made a lot of progress and there are strict regulations re: sperm/egg donations, IVF etc. So in this day and age – please make use of the progress that medical science has made as you are lucky to be born in this century!!!
My son is my life, and I am proud that I am a single mother by choice.